


Drunken Shenanigans

by breakdancingsigma (SirFunkalo)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Chihiro is a little shit, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Fluff, Hagakure is a cuddly drunk, He/Him Pronouns for Fujisaki Chihiro, Humor, Junko and Togami are chaotic drunks, Mondo cries about puppies, Multi, Sayaka legally cannot get drunk, Yamada Hifumi makes a great pillow, guess im even less original than i thought, hey look the title's a tag, is it considered OOC if they're drunk off their asses, pre-established naegiri, wholesome Yamada Hifumi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28160043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirFunkalo/pseuds/breakdancingsigma
Summary: To celebrate Chihiro's twentieth birthday, his former classmates take him out for drinks. They may have gone a little overboard.
Relationships: Asahina Aoi/Hagakure Yasuhiro, Celestia Ludenberg/Yamada Hifumi, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 88





	Drunken Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> The original kink meme is officially dead but here I am writing fills for eight-year-old prompts instead of finishing Tuebor. It's not exactly what OP asked for, since it's Non-Despair instead of Pre-Despair, but 2020 has been a huge downer and I just want all of these characters to be happy and alive.
> 
> This takes place after the gang graduates from Hope's Peak, so everyone is twenty and can legally drink in Japan.
> 
> (Also featuring my headcanon that Yamada has ADHD)

“So, Chihiro,” Leon said, “how’s it feel to be one of the big kids?”

Chihiro smiled as Sakura poured the first beer of the night for him. “It’s nice to be able to do this with everyone! Thank you!”

Asahina took the bottle from Sakura and poured for her. “Thank Togami! He’s the one who booked the room and paid for the drinks.”

“I could hardly leave it up to one of you,” Togami said. “You all insisted we wait to have one big celebration when the last of us reached twenty, instead of a number of smaller celebrations. We might as well do it correctly.”

“That just means we get to go all out!” Mondo cheered. “This is gonna be the best birthday party ever!”

Chihiro beamed. “Thank you again! I really appreciate it.”

When the last beer was poured, Hagakure raised his glass. “To the birthday boy! _Kanpai!”_

 _“Kanpai!”_ Everyone took a sip.

“You sure you don’t want anything else?” Leon asked, gesturing to Yamada’s Calpico.

“I’m sure,” Yamada said. “I shouldn't drink, what with my medicine and all.”

“Got it,” Leon said, nodding. “Good call, man. What about you, Sayaka?”

“I'm happy with my juice. My contract says I’m not allowed to drink in public, anyway,” said Sayaka.

“Right. You know, somehow I always forget that.”

Sayaka giggled. “And knowing all of you, we’ll need to have more than one functioning adult in the room.”

Leon waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, it won’t be that bad!”

* * *

“Fight me,” said Kirigiri. She tried to get to her feet and managed to put her elbow in the calamari. “Fuckin’ fight me, ya shhhhit biscuit.”

“Yuh won’ las’ a secen’,” Celes slurred back, pointing at a point beyond Kirigiri’s left shoulder. With her other hand she reached for her umetini and knocked it over. “Fuck. Guh git me ‘nuzzer one.”

“Whattaya gonna do if I don’t?”

In response, Celes stuffed a gyoza in her mouth and chewed angrily.

“Tha’s…tha’s right,” Kirigiri said, swaying slightly. “’s what I thought.”

Cautiously, Yamada reached out a steadying hand. “Miss Kirigiri, perhaps you should sit down.”

He expected her to plop down onto her cushion, but instead she threw her arms around him. “Soft,” she muttered into his chest. Gyoza began disappearing from the plate at a much faster rate.

Supremely uncomfortable, Yamada looked around for someone to help him. Fukawa was drooling on the table, tracing wobbly little shapes into the wood with her finger. Naegi was passed out, half-naked after trying to climb on the table and now slumped against the wall. Junko _was_ naked, or would have been if she could stop laughing long enough to find her way out of Mukuro’s trench coat. Her clothes were flung all about their private room and would have to be retrieved before the waiters came back. Mukuro herself was sobbing with Mondo about something. Yamada heard her say, “Their little _paws,_ oh my _god_ ,” to which Mondo replied, “I just…love ‘em so _much,_ y’know?”

Togami suddenly shot out of his seat. He swayed back and forth like he was standing on a ship. “I’m gonna punch the _sun_.”

“Oh my god, _yes!”_ Fukawa laughed.

“Fucker’s had it too good for too long. I—” Togami cut off as he hiccupped. “I’mma teach that glowy bastard a lesson.”

“You can’t punch the sun, Togami,” said Chihiro. “It doesn’t exist right now. We don’t need it at night, so it won’t be rendered until tomorrow morning.”

Sakura stared at Chihiro. “Is that so? Fascinating.”

“Who gave you the right to be so— _hic_ —articucu…articulate,” Togami said, pointing an accusing finger at Chihiro. “And stop tryna convince her it’s a video game. It’s _not_.”

“Says the guy who wants to punch the sun.”

“My name is— _hic_ —Bogami fuckin’ Tyakuya, and I do what I want!”

“Well, _I_ wanna rob a convenience store!” Junko said, finally flinging the trench coat aside to stand proudly in her underwear. “Who’s with me?”

“I am _so fucking down_ for that,” said Togami, meeting Junko’s gaze with aggressive sincerity.

“Junko, put your clothes back on before someone sees!” cried Sayaka.

“Clothes are for pussies!” In a matter of seconds, a bra flew across the room and smacked Naegi in the face. He tried to bat it away a full five seconds after impact.

Yamada let out a defeated sigh.

* * *

Leon giggled. He’d been rocking in the corner, laughing and muttering to himself for the last ten minutes.

Asahina ignored him. She was perfectly content where she was: sitting back-to-chest in Hagakure’s arms. Normally she would have slapped him for so much as breathing in her personal space. Right now, she wouldn’t have him anywhere else.

Hagakure nuzzled his cheek against hers. “I love you,” he murmured.

The words put a warm, fuzzy feeling in Asahina’s chest. She smiled sleepily. “That’s nice.”

“Wanna marry you,” Hagakure went on.

“But we haven’t dated yet.”

Asahina actually _felt_ Hagakure pout. “It’s cuz you don’t like me.”

“That’s not true.”

“You think I’m annoying.”

“A bit.” Hagakure whimpered, so Asahina continued, “You’re annoying _and_ cute. Like a puppy.”

At the other end of the table, Mondo started sobbing again. “ _They’re so precious.”_

Hagakure hummed. The vibrations spread through Asahina’s body. “You’ll be a great mom someday, y’know?”

“What if I don’t want kids?”

“That’s okay, too. We don’t have to.” Hagakure rocked them both a bit, absentmindedly. “They’d have your eyes.”

“No, they’d have _your_ eyes.”

“Yours are prettier. Pretty blue eyes. Like the sky. Or a gas fire.”

“Well, your eyes are like…like a donut. The doughy bit.” Just thinking about it made her hungry.

“Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell,” Leon said, then giggled.

“We could name her Sakura,” said Hagakure.

Asahina cast a glance towards her friend, who was listening raptly to Chihiro’s drunken rambling about simulation theory, wide-eyed and nodding along like it made total sense. “Won’t that get confusing?”

Hagakure hummed again. “Maybe.”

“Besides, what if it’s a boy?”

“…Asahi?”

Asahina looked at the pink can on the table in front of her. _Asahi Sakura,_ it read. “Are you naming our children after a beer?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re not allowed to name our children.”

“Mmkay. Whattaya wanna call ‘em, then?”

Asahina thought about it for a moment. “Donut.”

“Noooo, you’ll eat 'em.”

“I like it.”

“’S not a name. You don’ getta name ‘em either.”

“Who’s gonna name ‘em, then?”

“Dunno.” Hagakure pressed a kiss to Asahina's shoulder. “I love you.”

The fuzzy feeling in Asahina’s chest grew bigger. She felt warm and safe and adored. If she and Hagakure could stay like this for the rest of their lives, everything would be perfect.

Leon giggled. “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

Well. Almost perfect.

* * *

Ishimaru had had too much to drink, and Mondo was paying the price.

It wasn’t that he minded his best friend whispering filthy promises in his ear. No, the problem was that he liked it a little _too much_ , and he was _suffering._

_Of all the people to be a horny drunk, why did it have to be this guy?_

No big deal, right? Just casually discovering his sexuality at a best friend’s birthday party. With his other best friend. A best friend who was also his roommate. A best friend who would have had zero tolerance for anyone else acting this shameless, but who was currently sitting half in Mondo's lap, spouting lines straight out of a porno like it was as natural as breathing. Totally cool. Not a big deal at all.

“ _When we get home, I’m gonna pound you into the mattress._ ”

It wasn't even the most explicit thing to come out of Ishimaru's mouth that night, but just like that, Mondo’s self-control snapped like an overtaut string.

“Happy birthday, Chihiro,” he said, standing up and hastily throwing his coat on to conceal the raging hard-on he was sporting. “’S getting late, gotta go. Things to do, people to do— _see!_ I meant see. Right?” He turned to Ishimaru, waiting for him to get up and follow.

Ishimaru just cocked his head to one side and smiled. “Leaving so soon? How rude!”

“You little shit—” Mondo growled. He’d _tried_ to be discreet, hadn’t he? But if Ishimaru wasn’t gonna play along, fuck it. Fukawa and Junko cheered and whistled as he dragged Ishimaru out of the room, but Mondo was beyond caring. Ishimaru looked over his shoulder and winked.

“You just had to make a scene, didn’t you?” Mondo muttered.

Ishimaru just laughed.

“Oh my god,” said Junko, “Ishimaru can _get it!_ ”

Then she screeched as Sayaka pounced on her and forced her blouse back over her head.

* * *

To his right, Naegi stirred. One eye blinked blearily open and met Yamada’s.

“Tha’s…my girlfriend,” Naegi said, pointing to Kirigiri. “Give ‘er back.”

“I’d be more than happy to, Master Naegi, but she won’t be budged. Perhaps you could persuade her to let go?”

“Babe,” Naegi said.

Kirigiri turned her head and peered back at Naegi. “Yamada’s my new pillow.”

“Tha’s nice.” Naegi extended an arm. “Babe.”

“What?”

“I can’t sit up. ‘s too hard.”

Kirigiri rolled her eyes, crawled over to her boyfriend, and snuggled under Naegi’s waiting arm.

Yamada sighed with relief and turned back to the table. Celes was staring at the empty plate of gyoza like it had personally insulted her.

“Should I order another?”

“Hmph.”

“Is that a yes?”

Celes spent a moment trying to get her eyes to focus. Without a word, she crawled across the table, knocking over plates and bottles and _definitely_ getting dipping sauce on her expensive clothing, and plopped down exactly in the space Kirigiri had just vacated. She wrapped her arms around Yamada’s torso and buried her face in his chest.

“I guess that’s a yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in this fandom so long that I've come to unironically appreciate Hifumi Yamada.
> 
> This isn't very good but I wrote most of it at 2 in the morning so that's my excuse.


End file.
